How to make scrambled eggs for people who can't cook for shit:
You will need: a bowl, a fork, a frying pan, a stove, oil, two eggs, some milk, soy sauce, salt, cheese, crushed garlic, crushed ginger and some ham or something similar (unless you're a vegatarian, then just ditch the meat).
Light the stove. If you have a gas stove you probably need to turn the gas on then flick the lighter on til flames appear. If you have an electronic stove, push buttons til shit happens. Heat it to about its halfway point (i.e. turn the dial halfway around or if it goes up to 10, turn it to 5, etc.) Pour in a bit of oil and let it all heat up.
Smash the two eggs into the bowl. If you have dodgy eggs or dodgy egg smashing skills, smash them each (separately) into a cup first, fish out any bits of eggshell and then chuck them into the bowl.
Splash in some milk then take the fork and whip it, whip it good. Stir it around really fast until it's all combined into one colour. Splash in some soy sauce (JUST A BIT) and a pinch of salt, then beat it all until it's kinda fluffy looking. .
Check if the oil in the pan is hot. For the love of God don't touch the stuff, just hold your hand over it and feel the air or something. If there's not enough oil add some more. It should be able to cover the whole pan if you tip it around. Once t's hot you can move on. Now, using the fork (or a separate one, or a spoon or something if you're fancy and have a lot of cutlery) throw a tiny bit of the crushed garlic & ginger into the frying pan.
Okay if the stuff starts spitting at you like crazy, your stove might be too hot or something. Just get a tea towel or a hoodie sleeve or something, wrap it round your arm and stir the garlic & ginger around the pan. Then quickly pour the egg mix in and it'll stop spitting.
If it's all going well, stir the garlic & ginger around sans arm guard and pour the egg mix on top.
Leave it for a bit, until it starts looking kinda solid. At this point you could let it go a bit longer and make a great omelette, but frankly those are kind of hard. Way too easy too burn, especially if your omelette is kind of thick.
So forget that and stir it up a bit. It should start looking like scrambled eggs pretty quickly. When most of the liquid is gone sprinkle on the cheese & meat bits (or, if you have cheese slices just break them up and throw them on in pieces, it'll taste the same in the end).
Stir it up a bit more until it's all cooked (doesn't have to be brown or anything, just not liquid anymore).
If it looks kind of like it's turning BACK into liquid and bubbling, don't freak out, it's probably just cheese melting out of it. Just ignore that.
Once it's done take it off the heat and turn the stove off. Serve it on toast, with sauce if you like. Or just eat it. Whatever works.
If you wanna be fancy, serve it on toast and add avocado slices & Kewpie mayonnaise (or if you don't have any, the usual Australian kind will do, but Kewpie tastes better thanks to the added MSG).
Bam. Delicious scrambled eggs. Of course if you are really not fussy, just whip up eggs and milk in a bowl, then stir it around a frying pan in some oil til it's cooked. Not as yum but hey. Still got the protein in it.
